i barfeds in our rink
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
