Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
