So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
