I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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