Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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