make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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