He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
