i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The beer is more important than you right now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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