He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
