I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize