She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
