i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
