im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
