The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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