Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
