I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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