tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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