I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
