i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
