and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
