Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
