How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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