That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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