There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my shit smells like andre
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
