he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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