Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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