OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize