I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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