Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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