There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
