hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
