Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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