Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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