i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
