Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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