If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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