I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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