She is in my trunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
