just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
