Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
