btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
