I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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