So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
