I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
