O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
