every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize