Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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