Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize