I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
