You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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