I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dick very happy bro
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
