I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
