I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
