I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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