Already got asked if we're dating
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
