i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
