STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
