the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
