i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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