Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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