if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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