Pappa wants mamma naked
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
