So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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