You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
