It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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