you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
