Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
