We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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