she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
