Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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