We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
