Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
