I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
