I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize