mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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