i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
