does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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