I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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