im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize