I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
