how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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