the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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