"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
