Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
