3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize