ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I enjoy the company of your penis
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