At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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