If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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