Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
