I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I lost the right to judge tonight
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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