so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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