After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
