I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
