i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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