you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
