Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize