Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
