I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
